Learning from experience

Today we went and visited in the hospital one of our neighbors. She just had a brand new baby girl! This neighbor is one of the people we have already shared with that we are adopting. Ironically her husband's older brother was adopted and is also African-American. My neighbor had mentioned previously that I should talk to her husband's mother about her adoption experience. When we arrived at the hospital his mother happened to be there. I thought this might be a great opportunity to sit down with her and listen to her experience.

She told me of the struggles and the blessings that come with adoption. She said that even though you physically may not go through labor... emotionally you will. She said that so many people think that adoption is easy, but people that have never been through this process have no idea the emotional roller coaster you go through. She also said that there is also something amazing that goes on when you adopt. She said that even though you are not pregnant, you still gain a mothers intuition like never before. In her experience she knew that her son belonged in her family and could sense that someone was pregnant with her child before he was even born. She knew that God intended this child to be in her family even if he was delivered to her in a different way.

As soon as she said that I knew exactly what she was talking about because I have had the exact same feelings! It is just like she said, I can't explain it, but I know someone is pregnant with my child. The child that God intended for our family. It was so amazing to talk to my neighbors mother-in-law today. She is the first one I have spoken with since this process began that has truly related to what I was going through. I hope to talk with her again.

A baby shower turning emotional

I have had many friends and family deliver babies this past month, and have attended many baby showers. I recently attended a shower for someone who just adopted a little boy. I didn't even know that they intended to adopt. It made me start thinking how you have to throw a baby shower for these new adoptive moms after instead of before because of the uncertainty of each adoption. I spoke to her concerning her journey and she said her and her husband chose to go the private route versus through an adoption agency.

Sometimes if all goes well, private adoptions can be much cheaper.  But in her case, she had 5 failed adoptions and had spent around $50,000.  The baby that was just placed with her, she said was a miracle and just fell in her lap because of a referral through a friend. She said that even though it wasn't easy to go through this process that it had all been worth it in the end. I left the shower wondering what will happen in our journey. It was a reality check that this journey we are beginning will probably be a bit of a roller coaster.

The adoption agency

What a process this is! I am surprised just how thorough they get. We started out interviewing adoption agencies. There are so many to choose from. We originally looked at LDS adoption services. My cousin went through them, but had told me that they can take awhile to place a child with you. They were less expensive... around $10,000, but then we would probably be on the waiting list for about 4-5 years! This was much longer then we  felt we wanted to wait. The agency said that if we went through another agency and were willing to pay more (around $20,000- $30,000) then we could get a child much faster. She said there were grants out there that we could also apply for that would help with the adoption costs. She then referred me to the adoption.com website and there I found many private agencies and grant application

We then began the interview process. We met with one agency and were very helpful. They knew a lot about the adoption world. The owner of the agency happened to be there that day. She said that once you find the agency you will just know that this is where your baby will be coming from. The next week we met with another agency. She was also very helpful and their agency specifically worked with African American children. After leaving that agency... we knew! We both had a very strong feeling that this is where we were going to be receiving our baby from.

So once the agency was decided on then began ALL the paperwork! What an enormous amount. We had to do a home study first. This is where a social worker comes into your home an evaluates to see if you would be fit parents. They check EVERYTHING! There are back ground checks, health exams, tax evaluations and the list goes on and on. They looked inside your history, your families backgrounds, and then your home. Before you are able to adopt your house has to be baby proofed. We may not have a child in our home for a year, but they want to make sure you are ready anytime.

The process is exhausting and so much work, but we did it. I am so grateful that everything from our end is done. Next comes the matching process and of course the funding. It will be interesting to see how that goes.

How a trial turned into a blessing!

Once we had decided to turn things over to the Lord in regards to the adoption... our lives pretty much blew up.  I was in a major car accident right before Christmas of 2009. It left me unable to use my left arm. I was not able to pick up our new puppy, let alone a baby! I knew baby plans would have to be on hold after the accident. After a series of 5 different doctors with 5 different opinions on what was wrong, I found a doctor who said the only way to know what was wrong was to have surgery. It was the last thing I wanted to do because the recovery time was over six months. My doctor said that I needed to take care of it now, because there would be no way I would be able to care for a child if my arm was in this condition.

We knew it would be a painful surgery and a lot of money, but after much prayer I decided to go through with it. Then about 3 weeks after surgery, the auto insurance company of the man who hit me called. They said that they would like to offer me a settlement once my physical therapy is over. It was at that moment that I knew the Lord was providing a way to get the special little child He wanted in our family. It may not have been the way I expected, but I saw the Lord's hand in our lives. It was after that we started looking in adoption agencies.

The journey began

After Jon and I got married, we decided to just enjoy being married for awhile. The plan was to wait at least a year to have children and then after we had a couple of our own, then we would adopt. I knew that the adoption process can be just that... a very long process. So it just made sense that we would wait a few years before we began. Then one day while I was getting ready to go meet Jon for dinner, I was watching an episode of Oprah about adoption.  Oprah had a few families on her show that talked about the adoption process and one of them had a little African-American little boy. The boy looked so similar to the boy I saw on the subway in New York so many years before.

As soon as I saw that little boys smile... it was like a ton of bricks fell on my chest. I started crying and could not stop crying. It was a feeling I could not explain. I KNEW we were supposed to adopt sooner then later. All I can say is that it was a very spiritual experience for me. I knew the Lord had a special spirit that was to be in our family! I then met up with Jon and told him of my experience. We had only been married for two months at that time. He told me that if I felt so strongly about it now, then we will look into it. So we did, and found out just how much the adoption process costs. It ranges from $15,000- $40,000! We had no idea what we were going to do. So that is when we decided to place this in the Lord's hands. We knew that if there was a child that was supposed to be in our family then He would provide a way.

Your special daddy!

Once I knew that I wanted to adopt it would be years before I found the right person to raise children with. I had dated many guys over the next 8 years, but knew it would take a special guy to understand my "unique" family aspirations. I had various boyfriends that when I would reveal my hopes for adopting, many of them considered it a deal breaker. They couldn't comprehend having a child that did not have their DNA... let alone a child that was a different race all together!

Then I met Jon... I knew Jon was a special person this first day that I met him. He and I had many of the same ideals and goals. As we began getting more serious, the inevitable "how many kids do you want to have" conversation would come up. Learning from my past experiences, I knew this probably wouldn't be the typical conversation that he may have had with other girlfriends. I trully expected the same response like so many before.... they smile and say that is nice, and then a few weeks later we realize we have different goals. So like so many time before, I brought up that I wanted 2-3, but really wanted to adopt as well. Jon looked at me and said, "really... I always wanted to adopt too. I would actually really like to adopt a baby from a different race." 

I am sure my mouth dropped to the ground at that moment. I told him I wanted to adopt a little African- American baby one day, and he said that he would love that! It was at that moment I knew I was going to marry Jon. It was seven months later that I did!

When you were first conceived

Probably the question asked the most is, "why do you want to adopt?" Then it is usually followed with, "are you able to have your own children?” The truth is the seed was first planted when I was around 20 years old and attending my junior year in college. This was way before I was even thinking about getting in a serious relationship, let alone settling down and having kids! I had a roommate in college who was recently engaged, and as girls do we asked her how many kids she wanted to have. She wasn't sure, but she knew she wanted to adopt and wanted to adopt a little African American baby. She didn't know why, we just knew she wanted to. I thought her response was interesting, but really didn't think much about it.

A couple years after that, my family had decided to adopt a little boy from Romania. He was six years old, and did not have any arms. He could not speak any English yet, but when he came into my family's life, we knew he was special and he belonged in our family. It was at that point that I knew I wanted to adopt. I realized that the Lord will place His children with the family they belong with... even if He delivers them in a different way.

A couple years after my brother came into my life; I then went and lived in New York City. I met so many wonderful people from all over the world. Coming from a little town in Colorado there wasn't a lot of diversity, so when I arrived in the melting pot of the world I fell in love with the many different cultures and races. One day I was on a subway, and there was an African American mother with 3 little children. Her little boy looked at me and gave me a big smile. My heart melted, and it was at that exact moment that the words of my old roommate came rushing to my mind. I knew at that moment that one day I was going to adopt and it would be little African American baby. I did not know why... I just knew!

"I grew in mommy's heart instead of her tummy"

I have never had a blog before, but as I start this new journey, I thought now might be as good as time as any. There are only a handful of people that know about our upcoming news... but my husband and I are starting the adoption process. I saw someone else's blog about her own journey throughout this process and I thought it was a great idea. I guess the one thing I wasn't anticipating when starting this process was the amount of questions that people would ask. So I guess this is a good forum to answer people’s questions, or at least let people in on our journey.