Before the baby I have to say I never actually had been in a "Babies R Us" store. The stores that I frequented the most was probably Bloomingdales and Macy's. Now that the baby will be here in less then 3 months, I have been to this baby store more times then my husband probably would like to count. I will admit I went a little overboard when they had a sale on all newborn clothing, but like I told my husband they make such cute boys clothes now!
For so many years I had been the aunt or friend buying a present for a baby shower, now here I am looking for my baby. Buying items for the baby is the part that makes this whole process worth it. The adoption process can sometimes leave you feeling exhausted or overwhelmed, but as soon as I saw a pair of baby tennis shoes those anxiety feelings are quickly replaced with feelings of excitement. Knowing that one day I will have a baby boy who would actually wear those shoes.
One day at the baby store, a women was looking for a present for a friend who was having a little boy. She noticed I was also looking at baby boy clothing. She asked me if I had a little boy. I then smiled and said no, but I will be soon.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The physics in the quest
I just saw "Eat Pray Love" last night and really related to one of the last excerpts of her book. I feel it related to me as I am continuing this journey I call life. Here is the excerpt:
"The physics in the quest is a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity. The truth behind those laws states that if you are brave enough to leave behind everything that is familiar and comforting to you (which can be anything from your home or even bitter resentments).... and set out on a truth seeking journey, (either internally or externally)... and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue... and if you accept everyone you meet as a teacher... and if you are prepared most of all to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself....then the truth will not be withheld from you!"
Some might wonder how this relates to adoption. I am realizing that this whole adoption process is just another chapter in my life's journey. It stretches you emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Anyone who truly knows me, is aware of some tough roads I have been on while on my life's journey. Along each road I have taken I have tried to learn something from each of them. I truly believe that the people I have met along my way have brought me to this point and that this road will take me to where my soul is to travel next.
"The physics in the quest is a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity. The truth behind those laws states that if you are brave enough to leave behind everything that is familiar and comforting to you (which can be anything from your home or even bitter resentments).... and set out on a truth seeking journey, (either internally or externally)... and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue... and if you accept everyone you meet as a teacher... and if you are prepared most of all to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself....then the truth will not be withheld from you!"
Some might wonder how this relates to adoption. I am realizing that this whole adoption process is just another chapter in my life's journey. It stretches you emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Anyone who truly knows me, is aware of some tough roads I have been on while on my life's journey. Along each road I have taken I have tried to learn something from each of them. I truly believe that the people I have met along my way have brought me to this point and that this road will take me to where my soul is to travel next.
Monday, December 27, 2010
What a courageous women!
There are 3 different types of adoptions. Open, (where both the birth parents and adoptive parents speak often and the birth parent can visit the child during their life). Semi-open, (where there is some communication before the birth and then you send letters and pictures periodically through the adoption agency). Closed, (where there is no contact on either side before or after the adoption). Before you are even matched with a birth mother, both sides have already decided on what type of adoption they are comfortable with. Jon and I chose a semi-open adoption, so we knew that at some point we would be talking with the birth mother before the birth takes place.
Today our agency called us and said that the birth mother would like to talk to us. I kept asking myself, what do I even say to the person that is going to give your child life!?! Jon and I anxiously made the call and what an experience it was. After talking with her for a short time, I am in awe as to how courageous this woman is. She spoke of wanting to provide a better life for her child and after seeing our profile book she felt we were the right choice for her baby. I can not even begin to imagine what it must feel like to give up a child, and trust a couple to take care of that child whom you have never met before.
We had prayed so much to be led to the child that was to be in our family, and all the while she was praying to find the right parents to raise her unborn child. It was at that moment that it hit me that this women and I will be bonded forever. I am beginning to deeply realize the amazing responsibility a mother has in a child’s life. She was the mother who gave life to her child while I will be the mother who will help him grow and become the person he is to be in this life. Talking with her was a truly humbling experience.
Getting ready for baby
Over the holidays Jon had a week off of work and so I decided now would be a good time to convert my office into the nursery. We painted and put the crib together. After 4 days we sat on the floor and looked at our hard work and then both of us just held each other and started talking about how our lives will be changing it just 3 short months. I have been dreaming about this for over 10 years and now it is happening! There are so many emotions. I keep wondering what kind of mother I will be and hoping that I will be a good mother.
Not only do we have to get emotionally ready, but also financially ready. While you have to get everything ready for baby, we also have to figure out our finances to pay for the adoption. Many don't realize that once you get a match you pay up front a quarter of adoption fees to help the birth mother with her medical expenses and provide counselling for her. This is to help with the transition and to make sure the baby is healthy. However, we could potentially be out thousands of dollars if she decides to keep the baby. It is a risk every adoptive family has to consider.
Our families have been so great to help us with the expenses of getting the baby room ready and we are so grateful! Over Christmas my sister gave us her little bassinet and as she was showing me how to put it together I just burst into tears. I have been doing this alot lately... and I am not even that big of a cryer! There are just so many emotions that comes with this process. You're not only preparing as you normally would for an arrival of a baby, but you also have to hold back your excitement because there is a chance that it won't work out. The birth mother has 3 days after giving birth to decide whether she wants to keep the baby. In a normal pregnancy, once you given birth you know you get to take the baby home. With us... it is up to someone else. Both Jon and I know the potential risks of all of this, but we keep telling ourselves that big risks get big rewards. If we get our little boy after all of this... we know every bit of this journey will be so worth it!
Not only do we have to get emotionally ready, but also financially ready. While you have to get everything ready for baby, we also have to figure out our finances to pay for the adoption. Many don't realize that once you get a match you pay up front a quarter of adoption fees to help the birth mother with her medical expenses and provide counselling for her. This is to help with the transition and to make sure the baby is healthy. However, we could potentially be out thousands of dollars if she decides to keep the baby. It is a risk every adoptive family has to consider.
Our families have been so great to help us with the expenses of getting the baby room ready and we are so grateful! Over Christmas my sister gave us her little bassinet and as she was showing me how to put it together I just burst into tears. I have been doing this alot lately... and I am not even that big of a cryer! There are just so many emotions that comes with this process. You're not only preparing as you normally would for an arrival of a baby, but you also have to hold back your excitement because there is a chance that it won't work out. The birth mother has 3 days after giving birth to decide whether she wants to keep the baby. In a normal pregnancy, once you given birth you know you get to take the baby home. With us... it is up to someone else. Both Jon and I know the potential risks of all of this, but we keep telling ourselves that big risks get big rewards. If we get our little boy after all of this... we know every bit of this journey will be so worth it!
We got a match!
Our adoption agency called us and told us that they found a match for us. It is a little African American baby boy that is due April 1st. What an emotional roller coaster! They call you and tell a little about the birth mothers circumstances... but it is very little. We know just enough to make a decision. One thing we did not expect was the amount of time they give you to accept the match. We had only 48 hours to make one of the biggest decisions of our lives. Your head just spins with questions, excitement, and also a lot of anxiety.
We had been approached about some other possible matches, but as our adoption agency told us about this match an overwhelming feeling just encompassed me. I quickly called my mom to discuss things with her and as I was telling her the details, I just started crying. I knew that this child was meant to be MY child.The only way I can explain the feeling would be something like a mothers intuition. My mother then said, "Congratulations you are 5 months pregnant!" What a special day!
We had been approached about some other possible matches, but as our adoption agency told us about this match an overwhelming feeling just encompassed me. I quickly called my mom to discuss things with her and as I was telling her the details, I just started crying. I knew that this child was meant to be MY child.The only way I can explain the feeling would be something like a mothers intuition. My mother then said, "Congratulations you are 5 months pregnant!" What a special day!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Learning from experience
Today we went and visited in the hospital one of our neighbors. She just had a brand new baby girl! This neighbor is one of the people we have already shared with that we are adopting. Ironically her husband's older brother was adopted and is also African-American. My neighbor had mentioned previously that I should talk to her husband's mother about her adoption experience. When we arrived at the hospital his mother happened to be there. I thought this might be a great opportunity to sit down with her and listen to her experience.
She told me of the struggles and the blessings that come with adoption. She said that even though you physically may not go through labor... emotionally you will. She said that so many people think that adoption is easy, but people that have never been through this process have no idea the emotional roller coaster you go through. She also said that there is also something amazing that goes on when you adopt. She said that even though you are not pregnant, you still gain a mothers intuition like never before. In her experience she knew that her son belonged in her family and could sense that someone was pregnant with her child before he was even born. She knew that God intended this child to be in her family even if he was delivered to her in a different way.
As soon as she said that I knew exactly what she was talking about because I have had the exact same feelings! It is just like she said, I can't explain it, but I know someone is pregnant with my child. The child that God intended for our family. It was so amazing to talk to my neighbors mother-in-law today. She is the first one I have spoken with since this process began that has truly related to what I was going through. I hope to talk with her again.
She told me of the struggles and the blessings that come with adoption. She said that even though you physically may not go through labor... emotionally you will. She said that so many people think that adoption is easy, but people that have never been through this process have no idea the emotional roller coaster you go through. She also said that there is also something amazing that goes on when you adopt. She said that even though you are not pregnant, you still gain a mothers intuition like never before. In her experience she knew that her son belonged in her family and could sense that someone was pregnant with her child before he was even born. She knew that God intended this child to be in her family even if he was delivered to her in a different way.
As soon as she said that I knew exactly what she was talking about because I have had the exact same feelings! It is just like she said, I can't explain it, but I know someone is pregnant with my child. The child that God intended for our family. It was so amazing to talk to my neighbors mother-in-law today. She is the first one I have spoken with since this process began that has truly related to what I was going through. I hope to talk with her again.
Monday, November 15, 2010
A baby shower turning emotional
I have had many friends and family deliver babies this past month, and have attended many baby showers. I recently attended a shower for someone who just adopted a little boy. I didn't even know that they intended to adopt. It made me start thinking how you have to throw a baby shower for these new adoptive moms after instead of before because of the uncertainty of each adoption. I spoke to her concerning her journey and she said her and her husband chose to go the private route versus through an adoption agency.
Sometimes if all goes well, private adoptions can be much cheaper. But in her case, she had 5 failed adoptions and had spent around $50,000. The baby that was just placed with her, she said was a miracle and just fell in her lap because of a referral through a friend. She said that even though it wasn't easy to go through this process that it had all been worth it in the end. I left the shower wondering what will happen in our journey. It was a reality check that this journey we are beginning will probably be a bit of a roller coaster.
Sometimes if all goes well, private adoptions can be much cheaper. But in her case, she had 5 failed adoptions and had spent around $50,000. The baby that was just placed with her, she said was a miracle and just fell in her lap because of a referral through a friend. She said that even though it wasn't easy to go through this process that it had all been worth it in the end. I left the shower wondering what will happen in our journey. It was a reality check that this journey we are beginning will probably be a bit of a roller coaster.
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