I had read that when an expected adoptive family loses a child, it is equivalent as to having a still born baby. I would totally agree with that statement. My brother had a still born baby, and I remember being at the hospital, watching him and his wife go through one of the hardest things they had ever faced. As we returned from Louisiana, one of the hardest things I have ever had to do was come home to an empty nursery. A nursery I had prepared months for. We had even put his name on the wall, "Christopher". Passing by that room everyday is still hard.
The thought of losing this child, and the way it happened, was very traumatic for me. He was the child I had such a deep connection to for over 10 years! Now to be this close to having him in my arms, my world felt very empty. I tried to quickly throw myself into menial tasks by taking my mind off of it, but the grief was too overwhelming. Then one day I realized, just how I had before when my father passed away, I only can move forward one day at a time. After my father died a few years ago, I realized you never really move on... just forward. Moving forward I know that my child, my little boy, the child that I know is supposed to be in our family.... is yet to still BE born. That birth mom had a little boy she named Jordan... that was not my "Christopher". One day I know that when our little African-American son comes into our lives all of this heart ache and grief will be worth it.
