All the details

We met yesterday with our agency and got all the details on how the day of the birth will happen. As of right now she is flying out here to have the baby. I am glad we will be able to spend some time with her in person before she has the baby. The agency said that each birth mom has a different level of comfort to how involved she would like the adoptive parents to be that day. There are a lot of variables leading up to the placement. This process can be really hard when you are a planner such as myself. All I can do is say a lot of prayers hoping that everything will run smoothly.

Not my child.... yet.

The baby is scheduled to deliver in less then 4 weeks, and this is where I wish our roller coaster ride was easier. I fear however, that this is where the "emotional" loops begin. They say that a birth mother changes her mind up to 3 times before she finally decides to give her baby up for adoption. I am sure our birth mother is no different. I know she get pressured from many sources to keep the baby, and that can make any adoptive couple fairly nervous.

I realized today though that while my heart has grown so much and I truly feel that this child is to be our child....it really isn't our baby yet. It is hers. It is her decision as to how she wants the child she gave birth to raised, and I can't make that decision for her. All I can do is try to reassure her that her child, if she chooses to give him over to us, will be loved beyond belief.

I can't put into words how much I already love this child. It is strange to say that when I haven't seen him or have even felt him. But my heart can feel his heart and isn't that what a mothers love is all about? I fear I would be truly heart broken if he does not come into our lives. I feel a part of my heart would be missing.